Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
