and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
