How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
