So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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