do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
