she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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