Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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