so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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