Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
