I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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