he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
