i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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