member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
