If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
