some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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