And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
