Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
