So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
