Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
