i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
