My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I want to stick my p in your. b.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
