Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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