JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
