talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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