no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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