We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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