She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
