guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
