make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
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