I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
