i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
