the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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