Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
