Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
