just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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