moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
