Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
