It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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