I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
