i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
