I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
