just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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