Where did you get a picture of my penis
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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