When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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