Buhtt sex?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
