After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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