i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
