Dual....:-)
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize