you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
