If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
love makes seman taste better
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Come on in and take your pants off
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