I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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