you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
