I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
