A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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