I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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