I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Randomize
