I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
