It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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