just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
