She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My feet surprised me
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
