I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
it's like iHOP with fire
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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