Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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