it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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