Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
