i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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