Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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